When being “Super Mom” doesn’t seem like enough:
Now, don’t let the title of this blog post fool you. All mothers are “Super Women,” in their own right. We are blessed with the ability to give birth to beautiful blessings. And to those who cannot and take on those little blessings that needed you when someone didn't want them. You ladies are just as much as a "Super Woman," as the rest of us! We also have the privilege of teaching those beautiful children the things they need to know in order to make a life worth living for.
But, sometimes; just sometimes during those every day battles of making meals, washing clothes, wiping noses and in my case homeschooling my three oldest children as well as taking on the task that God has given me with having to learn how to take care of my special baby boy. Mind you he is nearly 3 years old but he is not your “normal boy”. No, God made him extra special for our family. He has given my husband and I the task of caring for his special needs with his newly diagnosed “Sensory Processing Disorder.” So every day is a battle. Just trying to get through it and learning what works for him and what does not.
Now, I try not to complain or show my frustration to my family. I am just that kind of person. As many of my readers are aware I suffer from my own health issues. Each day is different than the day before. My HM as we like to call it consumes everything about who I am every day. It does not consult me before throwing me into immense pain, confusion, or to make me feel completely useless. Nothing I can do. I just keep trying to go forward. But, I have been as of late feeling like no matter how hard I try I just can’t seem to get ahead. I try so hard to help everyone that I neglect myself. And I know most mothers would agree with me that we are prone to doing this to make sure our family gets what they need first. We are just selfless that way. But, we who just keep fighting, trying not to break eventually feel alone. Even with friends and family and faith around us on a daily basis we can still be surrounded by people and feel the most alone.
Trying to explain this to others can be a very difficult task. We don’t want to have to explain to others how we are hurting. This makes us feel vulnerable and lost as if we are no longer capable of taking care of the tasks at hand. But, hey keeping little humans alive all day is a crazy task all on its’ own. Without the normal daily routines of school, doctors’ appointments, house hold chores, church activities, the list goes on and on.
And it can be increasingly overwhelming. With me, I don’t like to have to be in a room with a small group of people where I may have to ask questions or respond to others in a coherent sort of way. It makes it hard to think I can adult with other adults when my day consists of being around little people, that all they want are hugs, chocolate milk, and cartoons.
No, I am not even sure if I am capable of having a normal conversation with another adult. And I think the thing that scares me the most is being in a position where I have something important to ask or respond to and I can’t because my own body has given up on me and decided to go on a vacation without me. I don’t like having to explain to people why it is so hard to talk because my speech is slurred and I am not making sense or, how I can be talking and in depth in a conversation and stop and not know what to say or what we were even talking about.
Because then I feel incomplete, lost and so confused and alone. I feel so much more comfortable being able to have a little breather from everything. It helps me to recharge. It helps me try and gain perspective in a world that more often than not has me confused. I have to breath, make time for myself. Or I feel as though I might break.
Even if others cannot understand why I want to be alone even if it is just for a little bit, like taking 30 minutes in the morning hopefully before the kids wake to get in a little exercise. Or if I don’t seem so keen on wanting to go to gatherings where I might have to actively participate and feel embarrassed when my body wants to go south and my brain no longer can keep up. I am a people pleaser though, always have been. If someone asks for a cake made for family I bust my butt, pushing through pain physically and constant confusion just because I want to make other people happy. When I see their faces, when I help them to celebrate a special day all that I had to push through seems oddly worth it.
It is the same with my every day struggles. My son, I don’t always know what he is saying and I know how difficult the struggle is when people cannot understand me. But, I try and push myself to teach him and learn from him so that we can understand what his needs are. When we have finally been able to learn a new “sign” or he says to me “Momma” this is such a huge deal. The struggles to get that far, the tears, and hard work, the frustrations, all of it melts away the second we understand each other and he gets so excited to know that I know what he is saying.
That the gap between us with his communication is growing smaller and smaller. It is such a blessing; but the exhaustion of constantly fighting within myself and with the mountains that we are constantly trying to move; when I am at my lowest of lows; I cannot just give up on putting my feet one in front of the other every day. I cannot stop loving and caring for my family even if they don’t understand what I am going through every second of every day, even when people might feel as though they are being neglected due to my inability to function at full capacity every day, all day.
I never mean to make anyone feel as though they are not loved, or needed or wanted. Because, nothing is as far from the truth! I just need people to know that sometimes even we “Super Women,” are exhausted, we need to just to be held, we need someone to back us, we need someone to be the strength because we are so reluctantly scared to show that we need the help and we are a little broken.
We are women, strong women! Who don’t like to show our weaknesses! But, sometimes; just sometimes we need others to be able to understand just how hard it is we fight just to keep our little area of the world from crumbling down.
To those ladies that don’t feel like they are worth the energy or often wonder. “Who would notice if you were gone”? Trust me. That messy house, those loud toys, those tantrums that you just wished would stop on the days when we don’t get a shower and feel at our extreme grossness; remember this,
“Our husbands and children, they NEED us. Even if they sometimes don’t think so or happen to show the proper respect to us, they need love and encouragement.” But, also remember; “Every Super Woman, needs love and encouragement too!”
Because we are all just human beings; trying to make each day better than the others while helping those who mean the most. Don’t let what matters the most in this world; get in the way of you living your life. You are only blessed with one. Know that you matter to someone, somewhere. Make your life count and make it unforgettable.