Prayer, Waiting & Inner Peace...
So, today has been one of those anxiously awaiting days in my family. My husband has been ill for a number of months and with many different doctors visits, specialists, procedures; yesterdays ER visit finally was the step needed for the doctor to decide on exploratory surgery. But, this isn't our first rodeo with this kind of thing. Let me explain to you what I mean, and those battling different kinds of illnesses and wanting answers knows just what I mean.
Eight years ago, while pregnant with our first son my husband went through surgery to have cancer removed from his small intestine. The process and agony he had to go through was so painful for me to watch. I wanted nothing more than to take the pain from him and for him to be able to see the birth of our child. Prayers upon prayers were said, from loved ones, and thankfully God heard our prayers. Praise the Lord!
After 5 years of more than normal check ups with Hematologists and GI doctors, my husband was considered Cancer Free! We could not have been more happy. In those 5 years we had another child and had begun to live a more normal life. So it seemed. Not too long after the cancer free diagnosis my husband began to have pain that I would not wish my worst enemy to have. I knew it had to be related to the cancer that was removed because all the symptoms were back and again, our world had come crashing down, and in search of confirmation many more procedures and waiting had begun again. It is so hard to not be scared of feel as though you cannot control the world in which you live in. It stresses everyone involved and not knowing what is going to happen is so scary. Just plain terrifying.
So, thankfully after an exploratory surgery, my husbands surgeon found the cause of the problem. Where the cancer had been removed my husbands scar tissue had thickened and caused a blockage. So, the doctor removed a foot of intestine and the recovery began. Slowly. Again, the Lord answered our prayers, found the cause and through his amazing healing no cancer was found. The relief set in after a six and a half hour surgery.
Fast forward, 3 1/2 more years....today. The inconclusive procedures, tests, scans, labs over the last 6 months; has led to today. And as I sit here looking out of my husbands hospital room, seeing the beautiful mountain view and wearing his wedding band next to my own I continue to wait, and pray and even though I feel alone, scared, anxious and terrified inside all at the same time; there is this inner peace, this gentle familiarity of invisible comfort. I know he hears me, and all those others that are praying along with me for my husband, for their own families and friends, for whatever reason. It can feel as though we are alone in a room full of people and yet, no one can feel the same that we do, nor know how to make it better. It can be so hard and overwhelming, this feeling of uncertainty.
But, let me tell you something that will change your whole life. As much as I know I cannot control what is going on in my husbands' operating room, there is one thing that I do know. My God has this in control, even though it seems like this day is never ending and extremely out of control. My God, the father he hears my prayers, and your prayers, and my loved ones. He has a plan. That does not mean that it is the same plan that we have. Sometimes, not even close to what we have in mind. But, I know if I trust him, with every fear, thought, everything that I know I cannot control. If I give it to him and surrender everything that I am going through and everything my husband is going through. (Even though I am a control freak and have a hard time letting go of anything or letting someone help me!) I get this wave of peace that as I write this just calms me, makes me feel that peace I get when I listen to the waves crash into the sandy beach shore. The Peace that he shows me when I see yet another amazing picturesque mountain view.
He is in control. He created it all. He knows his plan. He holds my loved ones in his hands. He is the great physician. And. He. Has. Got. This.... Because, I trust in what he has in store for me, my husband and our family. Because I trust in things in I cannot change. He is God and he has got everything under control.
If you have anything in your life, no matter the size, that you are scared of, anxious, stressed, undecided, in sorrow or pain. No matter what it is, to really be able to find peace and understanding at a time when we may not understand. Trust in God. He knows and understands. And he does hear our prayers. No matter how small. We just have to let go and trust.
My husband came out of surgery just fine! The initial problem that we had been trying to find out was caused from scar tissue from a previous surgery mentioned above. Oh, and also he had appendicitis! But, my husband being the very tough guy that he is didn't let on that he was in pain from that at all! This is just proof that My God is in control and he hears prayers! Praise and Glory to him! God, Bless Y'all! I hope this message speaks to your heart!